(via ashesweallfalldown)
I’m now a Little League dad…goodbye Challenger League (Baseball League for Handicapped Kids). After all that preparation of the coaches for Jared’s disabilities this morning at the “real league” tryouts, they (the coaches) now think I’m the one who is challenged…way to make your dad look like an ass buddy. Congrats Jared! Today you fucking rule!
Joe Says: Today I got Pwned by my 7 year old. 3 things to keep in mind that make this funny:
Joe Says: Yes.
(via namelessted)
Note from Ron: I really like this aside from all the potty mouth. I’m not saying bad words are bad (trust me I of all people can’t gripe about that) I am only saying that they almost take away or make light of how simple yet powerful this statement can be. It’s a shame when I see people miss the point on religion because they get to caught up in trying to be religious.
Though I don’t believe in hell (if you step away and even attempt to use logic or you actually read the Bible you would get what I am saying) I do like the idea of going to hell just on the off chance I will be able to beat up every con-artist televangelist/faith healer ever. There is no greater sin to me personally than exploiting God or lying in his/her name.
Note: Here is a tip for those of you that are religious. Look up the word “Metaphor” and then check out the Bible again. It is actually pretty amazing when you realize an actual person didn’t actually live in a great fish and that Jesus is more of a message than an actual person.
Wow...Toys for Tots is in trouble... -
Joe Says: Economic woe, crappity crap. People have become so wrapped up in trying to get enough “stuff” for their own family that donations have dropped as requests have soared.
My personal challenge to each of you. Take 1 (just one) present that is supposed to go under your tree and donate it to Toys for Tots. I plan on going out and getting something for these guys monday, I just hope I’m not too late to make my contribution.
TO: ABC
FROM: Leon Lynn
RE: Desecration of “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
12/8/09
Dear ABC,
How could you?
For years and years I have awaited the network broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as the true herald of the holiday season. I brought my kids up with the same tradition — one which has been made no less special for us by the fact that they happen to be Jewish.
Tonight we sat in horror and watched what you have done to the single greatest cartoon ever made.
How many minutes did you cut out of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” so you could run more commercials?
Gone was Sally’s materialistic letter to Santa, which finally sends Charlie screaming from the room when she says she will settle for 10s and 20s.
Gone was Schroeder’s miraculous multiple renditions of “Jingle Bells” from a toy piano, including the one that sounds distinctly like a church organ.
Gone was Linus using his blanket as an improvised slingshot to knock a can off the fence no one else can hit, complete with ricochet sound effect.
Gone were the kids catching snowflakes on their tongues and commenting on their flavor.
Gone even was poor Shermy’s only line. He thought he had it bad because he was always tasked to play a shepherd. He had no idea.
And why were all these classic scenes cut? To plug more ads into the show, of course. To sell burgers and greeting cards — and to relentlessly plug the insipid-looking new Disney “soon to be a classic” show immediately following. (I didn’t watch the new show, by the way. I was laid far too low by what had just happened.)
Cramming all of these ads into the 30-minute broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” required major edits to a cartoon that has spent 44 years now trying to remind us that Christmas is supposed to transcend crass commercialism.
Do you have no sense of irony?
A couple of weeks ago I noted that you can now buy a plastic replica of the pathetic little real-wood Christmas tree Charlie Brown brings home from the tree lot otherwise monopolized by shiny fake trees. I thought we had sunk as low as we could.
Obviously I was wrong.
Oh, and by the way: The sound was half a second behind the picture: They were not synched properly. I thought this was pretty sloppy for a major TV network, but I was willing to look past it.
What I cannot look past is the chopping to bits of a genuine classic, not just to pump more ads at us, but in direct conflict with the message that has made it a classic.
When I was a kid, the annual broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” was a holiday unto itself. It was the only time we ever saw ads for Dolly Madison snack cakes, for one thing. But more importantly, it actually framed the coming holiday for me in a meaningful way.
The shepherds in their fields had no corporate sponsors. Nobody had bought the naming rights for the manger. The infant Jesus did not have an endorsement deal lined up with a particular line of swaddling clothes.
Instead he came, the story goes, to preach universal love, and the abandonment of false ideals like the acquisition of gross material wealth in favor of something far more valuable.
You have not just lost sight of this, or turned your backs on it. You have stomped it into the mud.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
But I bet you aren’t. I bet you’re way past that.
Count my family out for next year.
Sincerely,
Leon Lynn
via Muskrat John Special thanks to Wex
Joe Says: Wow. Corporate America at it’s worst. I hope the guy that ok’d that feels karmaic wrath.
Opportunity #1 to not be a dick this holiday... -
Joe Says: You know how I’m preaching the whole toning down of spending needlessly and helping others? Here’s your first chance, and boy do they need help…
via Justin McElroy of Joystiq fame…
Justin writes:
Hey, you like sharing, right? Of course you do. How about the opportunity to give the magic of Christmas to an underprivileged child? Would you like that, or are you a heartless monster? No, I didn’t think you were a monster. Considering what we know about you so far, that you like sharing and aren’t a monster, I have a great opportunity for you.
My dad’s radio station (WTCR) is doing their “Adopt-A-Child” Program, and things are going very slowly, like “It’s the last week and they still have 95% of the kids unclaimed”-slowly. Basically, they just need you to pick a kid and buy something for them. WTCR organizes, wraps the gifts and throws the kids a big party. I’ve gone the past couple of years, it’s really great and it really makes a difference for the kids, many of whom won’t have much a holiday without this.
You can drop off something if you’re local, but you can also ship a gift (9801 Radio Park Road, Catlettsburg, KY 41129) through Amazon or something if you don’t live in the area, and just want to help out. The deadline is Dec. 7 and you can call 1-800-275-9827 to get involved.
Best yet, if you call between 6 and 10 a.m. EST you’ll get to speak to AMERICA’S FAVORITE RADIO DISC JOCKEY PERSONALITY Clint McElroy. Yeah, you’re welcome.
My Christmas Wish - The Best Effing Christmas Ever!
My Christmas wish this year is for complete holiday disruption. I want to disrupt the notion that the holidays are about: sales, things, and fighting over what is and is not acceptable to call the season. I want to get back to the core of what made this time of year so great. Sure, it may seem like a lofty goal. After all, I am but a simple blogger who likes to say “fuck” a lot and I am up against a billion dollar consumer-based industry. Maybe I can’t change the entire world, but if I can change the season for a few folks, by all rights they will pass it on and over time change will come. In order for things to change, they have to start somewhere, and I say let it begin with me.
What am I asking you to do? I’m asking that you first and foremost take care of your families. Do not overextend yourself trying to buy the perfect gift. Odds are that it will be a fleeting moment of happiness. Do something that will last a lifetime instead. Do you realize that your children remember doing an activity with you (no matter how insignificant it seems to you at the time) far more than any gift they’ve ever received? In fact, do something unexpected for someone you don’t even know with your children. Teach them about the good feeling that comes with charity and selflessness. Not only will it have a lasting impression on them, but the world as well, because odds are they will remember it and want to do it again. Again, be responsible. Don’t buy something to donate if you can’t afford it, donate some time instead.
What kinds of things can you do?
Make a Wish - they need volunteers, they need money, they need unusual things like frequent flier miles…
Any Soldier - send supplies to a soldier overseas
Child’s Play - donate to help children’s hospitals worldwide
Habitat for Humanity - donate funds, materials or time to build homes for the homeless
These are just a few ideas to get you going. Even better than helping a “brand name” charity is to help one locally. This would involve you going out and actually getting involved in your own community and helping people you know (or didn’t know) that needed help. Whatever you decide, just do something! This isn’t a bleeding heart plea, or me being condescending. I really do want to change things.
Let’s start now, and make it someone ELSE’s Best Fucking Christmas ever!
If you are in the least bit inspired by this, and want to help me in this endeavor please email me with your idea or success story at besteffingchristmasever@gmail.com.
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Joe Says: Don’t worry if you fucked up, you are a Plasma TV away from your hubbie forgetting that drunken fling while you were away on business. You are a Wii away from the kids forgetting that you never play with them. You are an iPod away from your wife forgetting that you never tell her you love her anymore. But are you really? THINK BEFORE YOU BUY. Also, try paying down the bills first. Your kids can’t enjoy a Wii if they don’t have a house to play it in, or electricity to run it. Teach them what is important about the holidays and they will NEVER be disappointed. Consumerist fucks, do I have to teach you everything?